* Did you hear the one about the man who entered a local newspaper pun contest? He sent in 10 different puns, in the hope that at least one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

* Two Eskimos were sitting in a kayak and were cold, so they lit a fire in the craft and sank it, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

* A Buddhist refused the dentist's Novocain during root canal work. He wanted to transcend dental medication.

* A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and proceeded to occupy the lobby discussing their most recent victories. After about an hour, the hotel manager asked them to depart. When asked why, the manager replied "Because I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

* Two boll weevils grew up in the Deep South. One went to college and became a famous doctor, while the other stayed in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, of course, became known as the lesser of two weevils.